Keeping it Real
I shouldn't have stopped taking my meds. I shouldn't have let my prescription run out. I shouldn't have thought that I could handle life without my Lexapro. It was a mistake. I need to take medication to even out. I need it to feel on instead of always feeling off. My husband noticed this morning. "Baby, have you stopped taking your happy pills?" I told him I had and that I was ashamed that I had to take them. He told me that he would rather me take them so that I'm not unhappy anymore. He understands that I can't take life on my own. He knows that I have a little switch inside of me that needs to be turned on by that little white pill. He doesn't make me feel bad about taking them. He knows that it's not my fault I'm like this. He knows that I'm not 100% mentally normal and that the little white pill helps me achieve normalcy. Well, normal for me.
Lexapro makes me myself. That self that conquer anything, the self that is brave and strong. Without it, unfortunately, I am not any of those things at all.
On top of the medication, I also need to take care of myself. I haven't been taking care of myself physically or spiritually. I haven't been taking care of my body. I haven't been exercising or eating healthy. I haven't been talking to God much either.
I have to remember that I need to speak to Him when I need help. When I feel lonely, even in a room full of people, or my thoughts are in darkness, even on days that are supposed to be the happiest...I need to start talking to Him and putting everything in His hands.
I forget to do that. I forget to put Him first so that He can take care of everything. I forget that I need God, medication, a healthy lifestyle, and my family to survive this life. Actually, I don't forget about my family. I always put them first. I try to be selfless when it comes to them. It's all those other sides of my life that take a back seat so much.
I need to stop doing that. I need to set my priorities straight so that I don't get overwhelmed with this life My Father has given me. I need to remember that although I need to take a little white pill to make life a little easier, I shouldn't feel bad about it. I shouldn't feel less because a pill helps me to feel more. I shouldn't feel embarrassed that my mind attacks me more than the average person.
I have to remember that God put me into this life because He knew I could handle it. He knows me better than anyone. He believes in me.
It's time I start doing the same for myself.
Lexapro makes me myself. That self that conquer anything, the self that is brave and strong. Without it, unfortunately, I am not any of those things at all.
On top of the medication, I also need to take care of myself. I haven't been taking care of myself physically or spiritually. I haven't been taking care of my body. I haven't been exercising or eating healthy. I haven't been talking to God much either.
I have to remember that I need to speak to Him when I need help. When I feel lonely, even in a room full of people, or my thoughts are in darkness, even on days that are supposed to be the happiest...I need to start talking to Him and putting everything in His hands.
I forget to do that. I forget to put Him first so that He can take care of everything. I forget that I need God, medication, a healthy lifestyle, and my family to survive this life. Actually, I don't forget about my family. I always put them first. I try to be selfless when it comes to them. It's all those other sides of my life that take a back seat so much.
I need to stop doing that. I need to set my priorities straight so that I don't get overwhelmed with this life My Father has given me. I need to remember that although I need to take a little white pill to make life a little easier, I shouldn't feel bad about it. I shouldn't feel less because a pill helps me to feel more. I shouldn't feel embarrassed that my mind attacks me more than the average person.
I have to remember that God put me into this life because He knew I could handle it. He knows me better than anyone. He believes in me.
It's time I start doing the same for myself.
