Because Sometimes I Need to Let It Out...

Is it possible that I am wasting my second chance at life?  

I feel like I won the battle again leukemia, but went back to living my old life.  

I am back to existing when I said to myself that I would live, not just exist. 

 I see all of these survivors and fighters doing all the things.  

And I'm just here.  

Not inspiring anyone.  

No building anyone up.

I mean, I'm alive which is a huge deal, but what am I doing with this one big life I have?  

I'm reading all the books, making meals, travelling, working, being a mama and wife...but is that enough?

I feel like I'm living the FOMO game.  

And the comparison game.  

Any game that makes me feel less than.  

It frustrates me.

You know what else gets me?  

Lexapro.  

I need to take meds to feel okay.  

If I miss a day or two, my depression attacks full force.  

I get super low and wonder what the hell is wrong with me.  

Then I remember:  you didn't take your meds today.

Do you wish I was doing more as a survivor?  

Should I be screaming it from the rooftops? 

Or leave it all behind and just be...

I miss this place.  

Writing out my feelings and thinking I have people that care out there (other than my family).  

That my words matter again.

But these are the only words I have left.

Talk soon?

Nay