10% Feeling
It's very interesting how I am.
There are days where I just lift myself up and think I am just wonderful.
There are others that, well...not so much.
I'm in an "in-between" day today.
My feelings feel a little hurt today...by me.
I don't really know why.
I'm a little down on myself today.
I actually tried looking "nice" today, but....
it doesn't feel right. Is that possible?
I got some advice this weekend.
"Be how you used to be."
I was told that I had "let myself go"...that I didn't look like I cared anymore.
I care!
I care deeply...
It's just...
Well, sometimes I just don't feel like looking put together.
I just want to "be".
It's so hard to explain.
But I can explain...very easily.
I just don't feel it anymore.
I used to be all put together because I was wanting to be noticed.
I looked different because I had time and money to spend on myself.
I didn't have the responsibilities I have now.
I wasn't married.
I didn't have kids.
I just had me.
And although on the outside I looked great, I was unhappy inside.
I could look like anyone you wanted, but inside...I didn't know who I was.
I do now.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I live for them.
I'm happy...
90% of the time.
That 10%?
I'll be honest...
That little tiny part of me misses looking the way I did.
It misses having "me" time.
It misses being sexy.
That part of me misses when I'd pass by someone and they'd smile "that smile" at me.
I miss it...
But I'm willing to let that 10% go for all that I have now.
Am I wrong?
Am I the only one who has that 10% feeling?
Can I have the 90 + 10 percent?
