the post that I don't know how to title
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The beautiful friendship that is made out of love and trust that she shares with Danielle.
Such a sweet, good friendship.
What
I loved about her post was that I could feel that sisterhood emotion in
her words because I have felt that in friendships. Friendships that
you would do anything for.
A friend who isn't just a friend, she is the
sister you never had.
I'm human, I get jealous of friendships like that.
Like
a few weekends ago, when I had breakfast with Tricia and Maegan. They
met through blogging (I think that's how Casey and Danielle met too
right?), began a friendship through blogging, making phone calls, and
texting. They hung out in Chicago when Maegan was there. Tricia got to
have a girl's weekend here in California to be with her, as well.
I get jealous because the person I feel closest to in the world now lives in North Carolina.
I
get jealous because she is the person I have also met through blogging,
that I stalked until we began talking on the phone, emailing,
texting...sending mini-video-texts to just say hi and send a virtual
hug. She's the person I wish I could sit and just talk with at our
imaginary ranch we've created.
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But you know what I get instead?
Guilt trips from old friends.
Friends that only want me in their lives when it's convenient for them.
Friends in real life that make you feel like it's all your fault that you don't talk as much.
That's what I get.
I get shit.
Now, you don't need to hear the whole story...because really it doesn't matter. I don't even have an issue writing about it here because she doesn't take the time to read my blog anyway.
That "friend" isn't the first person to do this either.
This is not the first time...second time...third time, even.
Oh no. If that were the case, I would be heartbroken.
Because we all know that going through this with a girlfriend is way worse
than breaking up with a boyfriend.
It hurts more.
I'm hurt, yes. Am I going to take the shit that's being dished and let her make it seem like it's all my fault?
No.
No.
No.
This is not the post I wanted to write.
I wanted to tell you what I think real friendship is.
I wanted to tell you that friendship is not all take, take, take - it's supposed to be take a little, give a lot more.
It's not supposed to be taking score.
It's not supposed to be months and months of not talking to each other.
It's not supposed to be stopping everything I do because now you have time for me.
Sadly, I know it takes two to tango.
It takes two to make a friendship.
I'm not perfect, damn it! But you know what she isn't either...and that was okay...until it wasn't.
What is being a friend?
You know what? I don't know.
My "real" friends might just be imaginary. They exist in place I can't even describe.
Those friends are the ones that read this place I create everyday and know that it's not weird.
It may be a tad bit dysfunctional, but...
It's hard to explain.
The girl I talk to almost every day and share my life with lives miles and miles...and more miles away. But it doesn't matter the distance or that I've never ever ever met her.
What matters is that she is who I need and, in turn, I'm who she needs.
She is right there with me...every day.
I carry her in my heart.
