Making Room for Tomorrow

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."
— Maya Angelou

 

Free Photo from Unsplash / Photo Credit: @dominikmartn

 "Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman."
— Maya Angelou

Yesterday 

I had decided that I would stop writing in this space.  I had sent a group text message to my blogging confidantes, Megan and Kristine, asking their advice of how to approach some blog silence for a while.  I didn't know if I should just step away without another word or to tell you that I would be taking a break.

Yesterday 

was my second day of having a headache that just won't go away (I woke up with it again today).  It was a day that I looked back on the last couple of days of eating three donuts in one morning, another day of eating Doritos at my desk and chasing it with M&Ms, and yet another night of having a normal dinner and eating a whole bag of Milano cookies right after.  I have been eating my feelings.

Yesterday 

I was just not "in it to win it".  I haven't been for a week or so now.  I thought it might be because I was on my period and usually I get really down in the dumps around that time which explains the binge eating.  But the feeling is not going away and I don't like it.

Yesterday

I submitted a little paragraph to Sisterhood of Secrets, the new site by Ashley and her friend, Lacey.  The words just ran together, not knowing if they made sense, but it gave me some clarity about what I was feeling.

Yesterday

I checked my email before going to sleep and received a comment on my last post from a new lovey.  It was her first time on this space and she thanked me for my honest writing.  

And then it came to me.  Just like that.

Yesterday 

I decided not to stop blogging but to take a little break and maybe just not be here as often.  I often say that I want to stop writing, but that's not it.  What I want to do is not write here to fill up space.  I want to tell you how and why I feel the way I do.  I need to feel that I am clear in what I say and how I say it.  I want to fill this blog, not only about the bad, but fill it with good.  So...

Today

I don't know why I feel the way I do.  That's okay to say sometimes.  Sometimes I just need to step back and look at what God has given me.  He has given me this life to enjoy and to tell me that I am enough.  I just don't believe it.  That's the problem.

Today

I decided when I woke up that I was going to be honest and write about how I feel when I feel it.  That may mean that I don't come to this space all the time.  This may mean that some days I'll be away from here but putting myself back together.

Today

I have a plan.  I want to start feeling, loving, liking, wanting myself again.  I want to journal again.  I want to write.  I want to do things that I enjoy again.  I want to pick up books and devour them.  I want to come back here and believe again.  Believe that I am worthy - that I am beautiful - that I am smart - that I am my best.

Today

I prayed to our Heavenly Father for answers.  He is already providing them.  He knows my heart and in all my faith, in Him and myself, I know it's time.

Photo from A Wise Woman Builds Her Home (blog)

It's time to take back my Yesterday, Today...and make room for Tomorrow.